J'ai De Mauvaises Nouvelles...

Salut mes amis! I have returned from my trip to France, and it was undeniably a doozy. To regale you with the tales of the past two weeks would be boastful and could not do my experience justice, so I'll stick with the highlights reel.

Thursday night I slept at Derrick's step-second-cousin's roommate's flat. Friday morning I got into Paris. I learned upon arrival in Rouen that if I valued friends based on the awesome-factor of their home town, and their subsequent ability to guide me through it (which I do), Bastien ranks number one with no contest. That night consisted of a French dinner (cheese) and a Jazz concert. The next day involved a road trip across France to Lyon and another Jazz concert (slightly more on the Gypsy end of the music spectrum). Later I had my first clubbing experience--on a boat--which lasted until daybreak the following morning. Then there was a market, a roman amphitheater and lots of churches. On Monday Bastien and I drove back home with a pit stop in Versailles. The following day I was left to my own devices in Paris, where I stayed in his father's apartment just on the edge of town. I walked for twelve hours the first day, visited the Louvre, walked some more, and met up with Bastien's sister's boyfriend and walked even more the second day. Finally: I went to the Pompidou modern art museum, saved some girls from a transient bum who insisted on throwing crackers--given to him by me--at them, experienced a naked drunken mob of Parisians on the metro, saw a tiger on the street, visited the top of the Eiffel Tower at night, slept in a train station until I got kicked out by the police, moved to the street with some hobos, and then went back to London.

All-in-all it was totally worth it, and I learned more in one week than I have all semester so far.

Most useful phrase: Tu as un beau clu, tu baise?

Thing I am taking back to America: Greetings by kissing.

Only bad thing about the trip: That I had to come home.

Something to look forward to: Moving to France next summer to work on Bastien's farm.

Current mood: satisfied

P.S. Upon returning to Oxford I attempted to reinvigorate my mohawk hairstyle, only to find that my razor died after getting essentially half of it done. Upon trying to charge it without a converter, my adapter has been fried, and hence my new picture showcasing a halfhawk. Enjoy!

I Have Apocalyptic News...

This past week was a busy one, and the one coming up looks even busier. The one following that one is even more busier. Perhaps even the most busierest.

Past: We went to London and a few museums, including the coolest museum known to man that contained the coolest exhibit known to man. Let me just say: A five story slide spiraling into infinity is most certainly art, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. I also spent the weekend in Ireland dancing, getting kissed by drunken Irishians, eating, touring, watching a nifty Comedia-inspired play, reading and finishing Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass, contemplating my navel, dancing, and just being a booze-hound in general. It was quite fun.

Present: This week is the last week of class before our break, and we have two midterm papers, a painting, a research paper, notes to take on the book, a paper on our visit to the hotels, a paper on another country, an oral presentation on a country, and various other minor things. My completion percentage so far... 10%! I will get it all done in time though, I am just that good.

Future: Next week I am off to France for a seven day party-thon involving a friend I met in America: Bastien. The day after we get there he is going to bring us to a party in Lyon (2 hours south of Paris) and I am sure I have no idea what to expect. After he leaves the country a bit later to do some traveling of his own, I expect I will have met enough people to shack us up for free... or maybe we will just sleep in the park like one of my fellow students did on his trip to the lovely land of France. This also means I probably will not be updating my blog and such for a bit, so you will just have to find some other way to live vicariously through me, mother.

I have yet to receive any mail from you people, and I am not at all upset. It just means I have no obligation to send you anything! Keep being lazy, as it allows my laziness to proliferate as well! Yeah! Go exclamations!!!

Till next time: All I have learned about life can be summed up in three words. It goes on. - Robert Frost

Current mood: exanimate

I Have Good News... (For People Who Love Bad News...)

The doctors have once again reminded me of the terminal-ness of my condition, and as a result of the stressful two-day school week I endured they recommended I take a vacation.

What better place than Amsterdam? My partner in crime, Ann, and I decided there is no better place to forget your woes than where one can buy marijuana cigarettes legally, and also we must not forget the red light districts which are common and sanctioned as well.

Due to these circumstances the last three days of my life are a blur of drug-induced hallucinations, shady alleys, and dutch. Lots and lots of dutch.

What I do remember is: a clown's bellybutton, a magic wallet, a vegan restaurant, pear juice, Robin Williams as a robo-... I'm sorry, I mean 'human', fisherman's sandwiches, two Germans, a Spainard, and couple of Dubains, one of which recently quit his illegal job and plans to go to England to pursue more employment, the market, some sort of magic mushrooms, the homeless, a statue of a policeman, flat tires, Sidekicks: The Best Movie Ever, du walen es spuit, bed stealing, and of course the holy Euro which is not as nearly inflated as the God-forsaken GBP.

Next weekend is Ireland, and I believe seeing some Irish music in an Irish pub drinking Irish beer with the Irish sounds like a good way to end my life, or at least forget the one I have got coming.

P.S. If you give any validity to any of the drug references in the previous yarn, you must obviously be a stoner yourself and have no clear grip on reality. The end of my existence is not enough reason for me to cloud my experiences with bong smoke and the moronic stupor of drunkenness, so give me some credit.

Current mood: high

I Have Disastrous News...

Each day I edge closer to the oblivion that is my end. Quite a sobering thought, though it keeps me on my toes. The doctors are still scrambling for a cure, and being their test subject has become extraordinarily tedious, but in the name of science and health, I push on.

Busy week this week. I saw Stonehenge, which was quite interesting. I went to Bath and wandered around a bit after our tour, only to discover the awesomest socks ever. I went to London on two separate occasions and can now say I've been to more museums in the past week than I have in my entire life previously. I also got to see a hotel room which costs £5,000 a night (about $10,000 for those who are math impaired) and Pink had just recently filmed a video in it. I saw an English movie for class, which means I have tomorrow off. I also got another class off near the end so I have a five-day weekend to abuse. I shaved finally. I spilled yoghurt on my fellow student Kelly's foot, which she will never let me forget. Today is pub quiz night and picnic day. I look forward to both immensely.

That is it, except for the fact that I'd like to ask my mom to stop calling me a jerk. It really hurts my feelings... :(

Current mood: quixotic