Item-Writing Quiz

Circle the letter correspoinding to the "correct" response and be prepared to provide an explanation.

1. The whipple nucket is a typical example of an:
1. orsip.
2. dipple.
3. furd.
4. tusid.
2. The purpose of the cluss in furmpaling is to remove:
1. cluss-prags.
2. tremalis.
3. cloughs.
4. plumots.
3. Trassig is true when:
1. lup drises the vom.
2. the viskal flans, if the viskal is either donwil or sortil.
3. the belgo frulls.
4. dissles kils easily.
4. The stiggle frequently overfesk the treslum because:
1. all wilglass are mellious.
2. ginmiffs are always votial.
3. the pincluds are often fruply.
4. no dandas are lenkable.
5. The fribbled breg will minter best with a:
1. dignu elma.
2. erst pinret
3. ornt farq.
4. urtar bink.
6. Among the reasons for tristal doss are:
1. the sab fops and the foths tinz.
2. the kredge rotes, not the orot.
3. the rakob without the sluth.
4. the polat was thonced.
7. Which of the following must always be present when trossels are being gruven?
1. rint and vost
2. vost
3. shum, tark, and vost
4. vost and plone

* adapted from: Sax, G. (1997). Principles of Educational & Psychological Measurement & Evaluation. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.

Untitled

I have been living at my current address for 1.25 years at this point. This is the longest I have gone without moving since I escaped my mother's basement when I was 19. I've been to 18 countries and 14 states, met an innumerable quantity of unforgettable people, and collected at least three volumes worth of stories to recount at parties. I've fallen in and out of love, been burned and subsequently reborn, and discovered many potential pursuits for my future endeavors. I've grown and matured a lot as a robot person since the day of my birth how-many-ever moons ago and I'd like to think I've made a difference in the world.

Well, what are you going to do with yourself? that little voice asks. Are you finally ready to settle down, get married, and have lots of babies? Does this self-aggrandizing post about how great you are really have any other point then stroking your own ego?

FUCK NO!

Well, maybe that last one has a point...

Anyway, in about six weeks I will have sold and/or donated everything I own (sans a few essential goods) and set off towards the sunrise for my next adventure.

My infrequent, stalwart travel companion and I will be loading up our bikes and setting out to stealth camp and/or couchsurf our way through these United States (of which I've seen only a fraction). We'll be documenting as much as we can at our blog, which—at this point—is still a work in progress. Although I may update this site from time to time, most of the activity will be going on over there... so be sure to add it to your RSS readers or whatever it is you people use to read my oh so eloquent meanderings on life.

Until next time.

Thou Art Invited

On the Tenth day of the Twelfth month in the Two-Thousand Fourth year at Nineteen-hundred hours the celebration of the twentieth anniversary of one, Luke Earley, will commence. Upon this day thou art summoned to participate in the festivities. Thou must chooseth betweenth oneth faction to supporth; the family of Ninjas, or the family of Pirates. Engaging in dress-up is not required but it is highly encouraged to enhance the enjoyment of this merry event. Nourishment and beverages of all types will be provided on this shpdoinkel day. Presently it is requested that you do not bring present for your presence is present enough. FYI it is requested however that U RSVP ASAP because AFAIK it will make things easier on teh host LOL!!!!111.

952.200.1049
9731 Knightsbridge Road
Apartment Number 18
Eden Prairie, Mn 55347

The Price of a Soul; Things I Will Do for Money

$1

• draw a doodle of your face
• come up with five sweet band names
• hug or high-five you
• write a haiku
• Google something for you

$5

• dance for two songs
• perform every magic trick I know
• intentionally lose at a game to you
• take out the trash
• watch a movie with you

$10

• twirl around until I get bored or throw up
• give you a massage for fifteen minutes
• yell loudly in public about your sexual stamina
• read aloud for at least a half hour

$25

• mow your lawn real good
• learn how and then bake you a cake
• do your simple tax return

$50

• follow you around for a day giving you compliments
• be really thankful
• rearrange the furniture and clean one room

$100

• detail your car*
• write a 2,000 word essay on any subject

$1,000

• just about anything

*note: I keep all change found in the process

How Is Your Criminality in This City?; The Universe Loves Me

This is a story all about how my life continues to be awesome and why—as a rule—I am convinced of my own invincibility.

===

During the summer the key to my chain bike lock broke off inside the mechanism, rendering the lock unusable. However, it still ran through the frame of my bike so out of laziness I continued to use it (by wrapping it around the handlebars in order to appear locked) instead of going through the hassle of removing it and getting a new, less crappy security device. This method worked all well and good until one fateful day.

It was early in the morning. I was waking up for class and Adam was getting ready for work. He poked into my room and asked, "Did you park your bike somewhere else last night?"

Nonplussed, I shook my head.

He sort of sighed, and then said, "Well, it's not there."

Silently hoping he was playing a joke, I sauntered downstairs to the front steps to see for myself. Sure enough, the bike was gone.

Disheartened, but taking it as only I could, I shrugged and then continued on my morning routine. I walked to school that day and continued to do so as necessary.

At one point I got a free bike from Emily's brother and attempted to repair it, but after taking various bits apart and pricing out some components from the local bike shop, I sort of gave up. I rode it 'as is' for a day or two before both tires blew out on my way home, nearly sending me careening into traffic.

At this point, I imagine you're wondering, how does this story illustrate how Luke's life is so great? Well, we're almost there; bear with me.

About six weeks after the incident, I was jogging back home after deriving a bunch of sweet calculus equations on a beautiful summer day and I decided to vary my usual route and run up 15th near Loring Pasta Bar. Suddenly, I saw something familiar out of the corner of my eye. I slowed my gait and turned around, staring at the bike parked and locked in front of me.

Although it was black (not rainbow), the pedals were different (i.e. not broken), the chain looked new, and there was a plastic fender installed, I was sure it was mine. It had the same leopard-spotted seat. Same broken tightener thing by the rear wheel. Same tapeless, scratched up handlebars. In fact, it still had the new tires I had bought only days before it was stolen.

I went inside the Pasta Bar and asked the host if he knew whose bike was outside. He stared at me uncomprehendingly and said, "Bike...? What bike?" I said, "Yeah. The bike. Outside. Do you know who owns it?" He continued to gawk, so I led him outside and pointed at it, proclaiming, "That's my bike." He mumbled something about not knowing anything about it, and went back inside.

At a loss, I called the cops: they said they'd send a car over. I dared to walk across the street to Adam's place of employment (Potbelly's) and wave him outside. He chuckled at my exuberance and scoffed, "Of course."

The police officer arrived shortly thereafter and I explained the situation to him. He asked me if I had filed a police report (no), how I knew it was mine, etc. He pointed out that, essentially, he couldn't do much until the next day (when their mobile unit was available to cut the lock). I wasn't particularly keen about waiting around all day, but, I figured it was a small price to pay. He then suggested (and I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier) to buy a lock of my own and double lock the bike so that even if the thief unlocked their lock, mine would still be there.

Happy happy! I skipped down the sidewalk to the local bike shop to buy a lock. I rambled on about my adventure and they casually mentioned that they had a lock cutter I might be able to use. Joy joy! Less than ten minutes later, I was biking my old new bike home free!

To top the whole thing off, whoever stole it put some work into it; tuning up the brake (yes, just one), swapping out some rusted components, and basically making it ride the best it has ever ridden. Excellent, am I right?

note: due to the fact that there was another flat black painted bike locked in the same place the next day and that the whole interaction with the host of the Pasta Bar was profoundly awkward, I believe he may have been the thief.

===

So that's my story folks. I told you it'd all end up for the best!

It's Late; I'm Bored

25

PSTL 1368, Literatures of the World: International Perspectives

18 May, 2005

Back in the day, years before it would implode under the weight of its meth-head owner's extensive abuse of the company bank accounts, Shinders was in the habit of sponsoring and hosting events that at least marginally involved a certain segment of the population who tended to patronize one of its thirteen locations in search of precious goods.

No, not dirty old men looking for porn!

Geeks, of course! Looking for comic books. Or role-playing games. Or card games. Etc.

One of these events involved the midnight release of a movie that would finally, after just shy of thirty years, bring to a close the story of one Anakin Skywalker; illucidating his transformation from a terrible child-actor/mechanical genius to a black-clad, heavy-breathing right hand of the emperor (and eventual savior of the Republic).

This movie was called Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

As one of the members of the mostly unofficial 'event-team', I was offered the opportunity to don the guise of Anakin's alter ego: Darth Vader. Given my well-established propensity to wear garish outfits in a ploy for attention, the fact that I accepted this chance should not be surprising. A costume rental of this magnitude set Shinders back no less than $120 for one 24-hour period, and I was positively thrilled to serve as the face of the Dark Side for this particular venture (Jake, another member of the oh-so-exclusive 'event team' was chosen to be Chewbacca, the [debatable] emissary of the Light Side).

On the eve of the night in question, I painstakingly fastened and configured the many layers and pieces to my costume, giddy to be getting paid to do something I would have gladly done for free!

Over the course of the evening I helped judge the costume contest, played DDR against my hairy companion to the cheers and laughter of the many people attending the festivities, and basically relished in my role as silent (the voice modulator part of the outfit was cumbersome and prone to malfunction, so I discarded it early on) photo companion.

On one such occasion, a gaggle of virile young ladies approached me and demanded I pose with them. All too eager to comply, I did my duty and suffered their many hands wrapped around my cape and belt. For the sake of the photo.

After an acceptable portrait configuration had been captured, their excited chatter turned to another topic: just who was that mysterious stranger under the mask?

I blushed (though they didn't see this) and insisted that my visage must remain hidden to preserve the overall mood, the reality of the fantasy.

They giggled. And then put their feminine wiles into overdrive, urging me to allow them just a peek under the hood.

I was helpless to resist.

With great trepidation, I slowly removed the hard plastic helmet and face mask. My hair was matted down with sweat. My admittedly oily face lit up with a smile.

They frowned.

"Oh," one of them huffed.

Without another word they turned toward each other in a huddle, cutting me off from the circle of conversation and making it crystal clear that I was no longer welcome among them.

I hung my head, and then walked away solemnly.

I made sure to keep my mask on the rest of the night, disregarding the countless requests for its removal.

Later, I fell asleep in the movie.

Content!

There is a certain class of edible substances that, when subjected to intense heat, tend to retain their temperatures for deceptively long periods of time while then drastically cooling down in the blink of an eye. This phenomenon causes those who brave the tumultuous realms of preparing these foodstuffs to—in the case of the former—burn the roof of their mouth and possibly look ridiculous spitting bits of near boiling, half-chewed mush all over themselves, and/or—as in the latter situation—be forced to eat a luke-warm sludge whose taste somehow is only a shadow of its potential (if it were to be consumed in that precarious threshold between too hot and too cold), or, far more masochistically, heat it up and begin the cycle once more.

Some items that fall into this category:
- oatmeal
- hot chocolate
- cheap frozen pizza (more specifically, cheap frozen pizza sauce)
- Hot Pockets
- lasagna

Strangely enough, most of these things are essential to my diet, leading me to believe that I'm either a) an impatient idiot who can't determine when food is safe to eat, or b) into self-inflicted pain.

I guess maybe it's both.

:)

^_^

FYI: Things Are Going to Be Okay; XOXOXO Teddy Bear

It's been a while, I know.

Perhaps this post is an indication of a shift in paradigms. A change in mindset. A heralding of a new age.

Or perhaps I'm just bored and you won't see me for another eleven months.

===

Day One

For no particular reason whatsoever, Shane and I decided to make a break for it and split for the Badlands.

We took his car because mine is in dire need of coolant, a new timing belt, and a smattering of other repairs that require more effort than I'm willing to devote at this point in time. Plus: his is faster.

Our eight hour drive started at oh-seven-hundred hours, Friday morning. Being that we are both such great planners, we had all of the gear necessary for a weekend foray into the arid landscape of South Dakota consolidated, packed, and ready for departure, and we didn't forget a single item.*

*note: this is a complete fabrication and we** ended up leaving behind a camera, phone, hiking shoes, and more.

**also note: by "we" I mean Shane.

Along the way we stopped a few times, most notably to replenish our and the car's nourishment, and to pose with oversized ceramic buffalo.

Oh, and oversized ceramic jackalopes.

Oh, and also undersized ceramic Mount Rushmores.

Upon reaching our destination we sought out the cheaper (read: free) 'primitive' camping area and set up our tent. As you may have noticed in the previous photos, Shane's right hand was mangled in a fist fight, and he was basically useless when it came to clipping tent poles in their place, attaching the tarp fasteners to their requisite loop, and essentially just being an altogether self-sufficient contributer; thusly I ended up being his go-to guy for anything involving effort of any kind.

The views were spectacular along the windy roads upon which we traversed, searching for adventure and excitement.

As we sat atop a butte (pronounced: bee-yuuute), watching the sun go down, I couldn't help but wonder... did I bring clean underwear?!

The rest of the evening was spent watching the Night Sky program put on by the park rangers and driving very fast* down back-country dirt roads.

* though, without full use of his shifting hand, Shane claims it was not fast enough

Day the Second

The whipping wind of the prairie left Shane to toss and turn most of the night. Thankfully I was not so unfortunate (requiring at the minimum a few hours of mediocre sleep to fully recharge each day), so, at dawn, I went for a four mile run before jostling my cranky compatriot out of his sleeping back for our daily activity: Mount Rushmore.

We drove the one hundred or so mile trip in good time, making it to our destination before the crowds had really showed up. We wandered about the grounds and took the required tourist-y pictures:

I beat a bunch of kids at the limbo and got Thomas Jefferson's autograph. We ate ice cream and speculated as to the species of visiting rodent. Shane said funny things about people who wore star-spangled banner clothing.

We discovered that Crazy Horse was only seventeen miles away, so we figured we might as well see how things were going there. Turns out that not only was the admission twice as much as our previous stop, the so-called 'memorial' was also half as finished. We watched* the documentary video on the mountain sculpture's conception and construction, and then figured we'd seen enough and went on our way.

* I slept

Shane was kind enough to stop on the side of the road so I could go swimming in a nice, cold lake. At the recommendation of a local girl wading about at the time, I climbed up the rock face and stared down fifty feet into the water below. Eventually, the cat-calls of a few of her friends enticed me to launch myself off.

Due to the fact that I was watching the water approach with my head pulled a bit too far forward, when I hit the surface I blacked out for a second and surfaced with a massive headache. Once I reached the shore, Shane diagnosed me with a mild concussion, on account of my non-dilating pupils. We decided I should not nap for a few hours, just in case.

Additionally, as I was getting dressed, I discovered that I had accidentally crushed my glasses while getting into the swimsuit, leaving me mostly blind for the rest of our trip.

After a long drive back to the Badlands (during which I successfully didn't die while sleeping), we made a quick stop at the Prairie Dog Village to feed the gophers. We soon learned that by charging 50¢ a bag for unsalted prairie dog food (shelled peanuts) the proprietor has ensured that no prairie dog in the vicinity would ever want for peanuts, nor would they react with anything other than quiet incredulity when two saps--like Shane and me--try in vain to get them to accept our humble offerings.

After failing time and time again, we hung our heads and trudged back into the Badlands proper for our final night of holiday.

After a short rain shower, we hiked a bit into the wild and set up the tent out of sight of the roads and trails. The rest of the evening was spent stomping about barefoot, reading, meditating, unraveling the mysteries of the feminine species, and drinking whiskey.

No real progress was made.

Day Tres

We woke up at dawn, jumped in the STI, and drove home. Tremendously uneventfully.

Texas? Texas! Texas.

time	mile	update
7:30?	22.3	Gas up in the exotic, foreign land called "Lakeville". I move on before I can be savaged by the natives.
7:41?	33.0	Exit 69: haha!
07:57	45.0	Heavy downpour. Losing reception of The Current.
08:00	50.5	Dark sky ahead. Lots of rain. I have no windshield wipers. Road construction.
08:07	57.1	The Current ends. Semis and dump trucks trying to kill me.
08:22	70.1	Exit 32: Hope.
08:44	99.2	No more rain! 8 miles to Iowa. Car in limp mode.
08:52	108.7	Iowa!
09:53	169.0	Be Aware (Careful?) of Crosswinds. Energy drink fading.
10:12	205.2	Lubbock is West Texas? Getting directions via text. Need a nap [map?].
10:19	213.5	Steering column starts smoking. Cruise control? Stops, eventually.
10:23	218.4	I don't like the noises that the highway makes.
13:19	322.4	Back on the road after short nap at rest stop.
13:24	328.0	Missouri! Also, $10,000 fine if I hit a worker.
15:43	469.4	Kansas turnpike.
16:10	???	After a little scare, decide I'm on the right track. No turnpike ticket?
18:03	???	Still on 35. Paved with new asphalt.
19:51	749.5	Gas, no nap. Push on!
20:33	799.0	Took the wrong exit, but it turned out to be the right one.
21:01	830.7	Still more road construction.
22:52	954.8	Screamed for eight minutes. It went well.
23:51	1006.9	Bathroom break at nicest rest stop evAR! Car sounds terrible.
?0:0?	1??8.0	Voices...?!
0?:??	?1?e.e	Road turns into a river.
??:0*	1?q9.@	Shadowy blob sitting on overpasses keeps trying to kill me.
?1:*?	11?!.9	Someone is in the back seat.
*2:?!	1207.6	Exit 3 is closed!
?2:0r	1208.3	Find my way to the address. Sit outside for a bit wondering if it's the right house.
0?:2!	1208.3	Lizzy doesn't answer my text.
02:3*	1208.3	She does answer her phone though! I'm here! Alive! Thank Jebus!

Students in Solidarity with Gaza: About Us

We are a group of students organizing a delegation to Gaza. We aim to show our support for the people of Gaza by: meeting and building community with other students, working with grassroots organizations, delivering aid, and representing the face of the international community that does want to help and actively participate in lifting the siege. We are committed to enhancing our own perspectives about the reality of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and to bringing real, human stories back to our communities.

Many of this trip’s organizers are students who participated in a March aid delegation to Gaza. We witnessed destruction and listened to stories which serve as evidence that political alliances and goals have become more important than respect for international law and human life. We are motivated by these personal experiences to organize this delegation of students in solidarity with Gaza. We are part of a bigger movement, Code Pink’s 22 day campaign to lift the siege, in which delegations from around the world will be coming to Rafah in May and June, bringing international attention and putting pressure on Egypt to open the border.

We welcome anyone to our delegation who is excited to share in these goals and interested in learning more. Flexibility is also key. Our plans may change. The Egypt-Gaza border is officially closed, and while we will do what we can to ensure our safe crossing at Rafah, crossing the border can never be guaranteed.

[taken from the trip literature, not written by me]

Pre-Dated, Post-Written, Pre-Prologue

I'd like to elaborate a bit on just what I meant when I said "doing the Gaza volunteering thing" a few entries back.

Essentially, for the week of 25 May - 1 June I was a member of a student-organized delegation to the Gaza Strip called Students in Solidarity with Gaza. It was composed of 35 students (or student-ish people), as well as countless individuals who lent their support in time, money, contact-using, etc. so as to facilitate our envoy's success. Additionally, there were more than 100 other concerned citizens of the world who, as members of other associations, crossed [or attempted to cross] the border within about the same time frame. Each of these groups, for organizational and credence-lending purposes, fell under the umbrella of Code Pink, who also led a successful excursion in March of this year (where our organizers got the idea).

We did not rely solely on Code Pink to secure us access to the Gaza Strip. Invitations were obtained from the UN, NGOs, and other humanitarian institutions on the ground in Gaza, so that we could further prove to any parties interested in blocking our progress (of which there were a few) that our presence was requested. We brought with us medical supplies, sports equipment, and monetary donations, all of which were to be given as aid to hospitals or people in need once we'd gotten in. Our stated goals were simple: deliver our goods and engage in dialogue with individuals and organizations in the area in order to find out more about a region plagued by ongoing conflict.

Once we were in Gaza, we took part in an amazingly diverse itinerary that was put together by five Gazan girls who wished to share their and their country's stories with us. While we were there, we: stayed with host families, all of whose hospitality was beyond measure; met with NGOs and humanitarian organizations who work with and provide services to refugees and Gazans alike; visited areas that had been affected (read: destroyed) in the most recent incursion, Operation Cast Lead; talked about the issues at hand (and more mundane things as well) with Palestinians of a variety of backgrounds, from governmental representatives to the people on the street; and, basically, had a pretty amazing and unforgettable week.

What follows is a [relatively] short rundown of what we saw and did during our trip. I greatly encourage comments and questions of any kind regarding my experiences or about what exactly is going on in Gaza. Part of what I hope to accomplish by putting this on my blog is to instigate discussion about a topic that is too often ignored and misunderstood by the Western world, to the detriment of the peace process. If by spurring conversations about such a controvertial subject we promote voters to make more informed decisions on election days, perhaps this needless conflict doesn't need to be a permanent fixture of the Middle Eastern landscape.

Note: لن نصمت

Originally I had intended my entry on Gaza to be a one-time, unified entity, filled with grandeur and profoundness previously unheard of here or anywhere else. It was to be magnificently compact and potent, concise and direct, not to mention short and easy to read. However, as I began contemplating and preliminarily scribing the tales I had to tell, I realized that our week in Palestine was of a scope too great to be constrained within the boundaries of one, lone dispatch; the epic endeavour attempted forthwith, if forced to be molded in such a manner, would have its story cheapened and its capability for change damaged irreparably.

For this reason, I have decided to split the reports up in a circadian fashion, pre-dated to around the times when I would have posted them had I not crashed from exhaustion at the end of each chocked-full, information-saturated day (or if I had had access to the Intarwebs, which wasn't at all a consistent feature of the trip). Hopefully this will embody everything I hoped to do with the narrative in a manner consistent with the quality I'm sure you've all grown accustomed to through your years of reading this blog, as well as that which you should expect in any adventures with which I may choose to privilege you in the near [or far] future.

Enjoy!

Perfectly Perilous Pirate Party Presented By Persons Preaching Peace

United We Stand on a Solid Ground to Instigate Unprecedented Prospects with Experience

Greece, the final chapter: Our Santorini to Athens ferry was canceled without anyone informing us, but luckily some friends of ours tried to buy passage on the same boat and discovered this unfortunate news. Sam and I scrambled to get our refunds so that we could afford to buy new tickets for a different ferry (we were down to about €7.25 at that point) and then played cards all night with three Canadians. In Athens we avoided the cold by sitting in the entryway to the hostel we had previously stayed at, then went and got breakfast with the previously mentioned Canucks, then went to the airport using the previously mentioned last bits of money we had. A hop, skip, and jump away and we were back in the suffocating smog and heat of Cairo. I love it!

Back in Egypt: School's oppressive oppressiveness has returned with a vengence. I still haven't written my midterm (and I'm beginning to think I never will). Nobody does their homework in my Arabic class and our teacher keeps threatening to get someone else to teach it. I've got a presentation next week on my volunteering and it's relation to development theory, two three 15 page papers to write on topics I have yet to decide or research, an Arabic final that covers material from a book I don't own, etc. I'm not worried!

A Scottish guy I met in Greece, Graeme, is currently sleeping on my couch because I invited him down for the Pirate Party (which hasn't happened yet, but the next entry should have pictures and a rundown of the awesomeness) and he actually booked a plane and showed up. Nathaniel's aunt and cousin are also staying at the houseboat for a short while during their visit. Also, another friend, Jon, who had to vacate his apartment a bit earlier than the end of the semester has joined the club. That makes seven people in a two bedroom place. No big deal!

Wait a minute? Didn't I already do something like this back in 2005? Who'd have thought I'd be reliving that period in my life all over again?!

Anywho, last night we had a wonderful dinner where our old neighbor Khaldun, plus our new neighbors Jean and Clements, plus all the people staying at our houseboat, plus a few extras cooked vegetables and pasta and beer (well, we didn't cook the beer, but it was there). My pasta sauce was a hit, which is nice. I'm getting better at cooking, mumkin?!

The night before last was the opening performance of Dido and Æneas, an opera that AUC is putting on (the first ever, apparently), featuring my friend David and Kim as Æneas and a seriously wacky witch-lady respectively. It was my first opera, though probably not the last. I kind of liked it!

One of my English students gave me a liter of full cream milk as a present. Thanks?!

Jennifer is coming on 17 May. She'll be here for about three weeks, during which we plan on touring various places in Egypt, doing the Gaza volunteering thing, and visiting Jordan. After she leaves I'm going to be completely out of money, so I'll probably become a couch surfer again and see what I can see with what I can squeeze out of family and friends, killing time until my flight to Munich at the end of June, where I will then do the same until my final flight home on the 19 August. Two days short of a year abroad!

Time sure flies by fast, eh? or was it time's fun when you're having flies? I don't remember!

That's all I've got for now. Bye!

Rain, Rain, Go Away; Famous Last Words

Hi.

How are you?

I am fine.

I'm currently sitting at a computer on the wonderful Greek island of Santorini, waiting for the sun to warm up the slightly-too-cold air so I can go lay on the beach.

It's been a while, I know... but I can explain.

See, I've been busy. I had this midterm I was supposed to write that I didn't even write because I was so busy.

Ummm... what was I busy doing?

That's not important. What is important is that I'm here now and updating you on my superbly glamorous lifestyle... right?

Anywho.

Wolf's friend Steph who is studying in Madrid came to town, so we showed her a good time around the way. We went to Lucille's, who allegedly serves the best burger in the entire world, so says Time magazine. I ate one. Well, half of one. It was okay, but I think not having eaten meat in almost three years kind of left me no frame of reference for comparison, so my opinion on the matter is kind of moot. Also, I ate a delicious offering of the breakfast triumverate (pancakes, waffles, french toast), which left me so full I couldn't eat for at least two days.... or a couple hours anyway.

We also colored some eggs for Easter and then went to Dahab and did a desert safari where we climbed the mountains and I broke one of Nathaniel's sandals that I was using without his permission. The good news is that I broke the left one, which complimented nicely my unbroken left one (whose right one I had broken earlier, in Wadi Digla, where we had a picnic I don't think I ever mentioned), so that now I wear two unmatching sandals, one of which is slightly lower than the other, forever giving me back pains and headaches... but not really.

About spring break: so, remember when I said I was going to Morrocco? Well, I did say that, even if you don't remember. Well, then remember how I said I was going to Tunisia? Well, once again, I did. Well, as it turns out, my credit card wasn't working on the Egypt Air website so I couldn't buy the tickets in time so they skyrocketed in price and I was left with no plans for spring break.

Enter http://www.kayak.com, which allowed me to search around for places I might like to go from Cairo for under $300. I found three options: Spain, Turkey, and Greece. I asked my travel partner Sam, which he'd like to go to, to which he replied: "I don't know." I prodded him a bit more and got him to pick one, which ended up being Greece. So, here we are.

Sort of. I went and bought the tickets (after some ridiculous nonsense about me not being able to use my card in person either, then I could only buy one ticket, then I could buy both and it was all good) and then we left the next day.

We tried to couch surf, but being as it was Easter in Greece [Wait, two Easters? "How can this be?" you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked: Greece uses the Russian Orthodox dates for Easter, which, except for once every four years or so, end up being a bit later than "normal" easter... so... yeah... it was Easter two weekends in a row for me.... woot], everyone was busy with family stuff and we weren't able to get any free accomodation. We stayed in a hostel in Athens for a few days (doing an island cruise, seeing the Acropolis and the rest of the ancient ruins, doing hand stands for free food) before heading up to Meteora with our newfound friend Ash, the Aussie.

We climbed and hiked around for hours (me in only my sandals, because they're the only shoes I brought, which probably wasn't the best idea), saw turtles having sex, slept on a bench, and celebrated another Easter. Back to Athens we went, before catching a ferry to Santorini, where we've been relaxing for three days now. Yesterday we rented quads and zoomed about the island, annoying locals and watching our friend James flip his for the third day in a row. Ouch.

It's obnoxiously windy right now and there are a few too many clouds out for my taste, which is why I sit here blathering on about the things that I am blathering on about. I've reached the end of my thread though, so I'll leave you with the promise of two things once I return to Cario: pictures of the houseboat, as well as pictures of our Pirate party on the houseboat (perhaps both at the same time?) we'll be having in a week. Pirate costumes, pirated music, perhaps even a showdown with the infamous pirate "No Beard". Be excited.

Also, my iPhone is still broken and Sam didn't bring a camera so there are no pictures of Greece. Sorry.

Is Someone in the Fridge?; It's Okay, We're Regular Twins

omgzr, it's, like, almost April? I still haven't done my taxes or thought of my New Year's resolutions or anything. Where does the time go?

Funny you should ask:

• the Cairo Jazz Festival, where Kim made friends with kitties and Fathy Salama, who will now be featuring her in a performance about a week from now
• the birthday party, for our neighbor Patrick, where we surprised him with cake and people whom he didn't know
• the unbirthday party, which started on the houseboat but was eventually relocated to Jon's apartment (after a few hours of trying to get people moving), where I was greeted with chocolate cake and a poker game
• the poker night, inspired by the above, where I split the pot with Andy, the couch surfer
• the six days where I hosted Andy, the couch surfer, who is from Australia and who is also doing an around the world trip for a year (or two)
• the four days (some of which overlap with the above) where I hosted Ruth and Leo, the Germans (though she is actually from Vienna), who were finishing up their jaunt around the Middle East
• the three hours per week spent volunteering in Ain Shams (which is an hour's travel one way) where Sarah and I "teach" English (we mostly just hang out) to people from places like Chad, the Ivory Coast, Iraq, and Ethiopia
• the attempted chess game with backgammon pieces, which lasted only about six moves before everyone was thoroughly confused to the point of despair
• the twelve hour LAN party which ended in frustration and dashed expectations
• the party where Kim bought a rubaba (an ancient pharoahonic instrument, which looks like what a violin would have been if it were made with a stick, some wires, and a coconut shell) and scheduled practice sessions on my deck
• the aforementioned practice session on my deck, which was actually quite nice, despite the high pitched, screechy nature of the rubaba's "music"
• the frequent breakfast/brunches where I cook for all my friends and we eat on my deck, enjoying the Nile and all it's trash-filled goodness
• the Indian food night where we ordered Indian food, watched Flight of the Conchords, and danced naked in the street (well, maybe only I did the last part)
• the 3,000 piece puzzle Kim and I bought, which still sits mostly in its box (except for the edges) because my table is too small for it
• the unfortunate incident where I woke up one morning to find my iPhone's screen to be cracked, ensuring that the bottom half no longer detects any touches (it now serves as an iPod with not very much space that only plays songs via shuffle and as an instrument for me to read people's texts with no hope of returning them [sadly this also means that I shall not be uploading any more pictures {at least until/if I get it fixed}])
• the class presentation which required me to read a 400 page book and condense everything worth knowing about it into three hours (though, luckily, my teacher likes to talk and thusly did most of my work for me)
• the presentation on X-Files that I didn't prepare for except to find humorous pictures, like Mulder and Scully in an awkward romantic pose, Weekly World News covers, and Chris Carter making a funny face
• the one or two hours I slept
• the past two days we've spent without water in the houseboat, thinking that it was just another quirky quirk of life on the Nile, only to discover that someone had turned off our water in an attempt to turn off the toilet
• the blog writing

Anyway, I think that'll do for now. I was this close to getting the really good pictures of the houseboat on my computer, but I fell asleep instead. Next time, mumkin.

We Will Win in the End, Ciao!; Severed Phallus of an African-American

I've been guilted into writing another entry. You should know that I'm doing this instead of homework. Feel special.

So, last night we had a party at the 'awama (houseboat). We bought a giant tub of white acrylic paint and some little color tubes (one for every color of the rainbow, plus brown and black) with which we (we being Wolf, Nathaniel, and I, plus all our friends) decorated the walls. Everyone who came left something behind, such as: a tree, a squirrel smoking shisha in the tree, a pastel butterfly, purple pyramids, car emblems, a Koi yin-yang, or a Mayan space pirate. As soon as I get the pictures off of Kim's camera I will share them with all of you.

I painted a robot.

We also played Mafia until five in the morning. I watched the sunrise. It was nice, because, hey, I live on the Nile.

I will never get tired of saying that.

There was another party two weeks ago. A lot more people came to that one, but there was also a knife fight, so it kind of evens out. We tried to gather all the glass bottles of beer and bring them in for the deposit (like a friend did last semester, getting some pretty nice returns for the effort), but they told us that the bottles we had were not the two-way ones. Lame.

Since we've moved in the slant of the structure has leveled out (it was pretty dramatically tilted due to the Nile's water level being lower than normal), however, there are still plenty of boats that drive by, shaking our house at its very 'foundations' (read: pontoons). It's a two bedroom place, but we have three people living here. This entails one of us sleeping on the couch in the living room. Usually it isn't an issue because we either sleep at someone else's house, are too tired to care, or just cram into the bed together anyway. Other than the occasional quirk (an overflowing toilet tank which has to be monitored closely, a very clog-prone sink, constantly moving the clothes washer between the kitchen and the bathroom, stray cats), I would say this place is perfect. In fact, most of the previously mentioned quirks only serve to make living here more interesting, so I'll go ahead and say it is perfect.

Classes are going fineish. I told myself I'd do my work this semester, and I'm still telling myself that in the hopes that it comes true, but apparently you actually have to do the work, not just say that you should do it. Sounds familiar, I know.

I went to Marsa Alam with Amr (the guy who was supposed to go to India with me, but got delayed and ended up traveling on his own), Kim, Mohamed (Amr's brother), and various others. We dived in the Red Sea (Kim for the first time) and saw lots of really awesome undersea creatures, including: giant sea turtles (seriously! some of them were as big as refrigerators, with Remoras hanging off them and everything), crocodile fish(?), sand calamari(?), Bluespotted stingray, and Parrotfish and triggerfish of various varieties. There were supposedly Dugong (not Dewgong, the Pokémon) swimming around somewhere, but we couldn't find them. Bastards.

After our freezing underwater adventure, we trekked into the desert to Wadi El Gamal (valley of the beautiful; beautiful valley) which is a national reserve run by Amr's uncle. He set us up with desert huts like those built by the indigenous nomadic tribes. Then we took a camel 'safari' into the 'desert' and watched while Hamad, AKA Superman, threw rocks so fast that you could hear them buzz like a whistle. Also, we ate bread cooked in the sand, drank gibana (coffee that must be drunk in odd numbers), and camel cheese. My camel tried to kill me on multiple occasions, but what else is new?

I've also: celebrated Kim's birthday with [no sleep and] an early morning jaunt to the pyramids for the sunrise, acted as an extra in an Egyptian director's move (Moondog, and apparently it is going to be at the Cannes Film Festival?), gone on a picnic in the desert near Cairo, finished all the easy parts of a puzzle, played Double Dragon, honed my cooking skills, taken a shower, saw a performance put on by deaf actors for children, made people uncomfortable, etc.

Time is going by quickly. I start my English teaching tomorrow in the supposedly "ghetto" area of Cairo, which should be interesting. Midterms are coming up, allegedly, but I don't know if I have one. I'm planning on going to Morocco and Spain for break? or maybe Aswan, Luxor, and Sudan? or maybe Tunisia? or maybe I'll just stay home. I'll let you know. Life is good.

Satisfied? Sheesh.

P.S. Philip was released to his family safely, and is now attending classes as per usual. He was blindfolded the entire time, but they didn't beat him up or leave any scars that I can see. Additionally, Ayman Nour (whose son attends AUC), the opponent in Egypt's 2005 presidential elections (who was jailed for forging the signatures required for the creation of his party after "losing" the election with 1% of the vote) has recently been released for "medical reasons". Perhaps Egypt is finally rethinking its 'jail first, ask questions later' policy?

Naw.