Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

31 March, 2011

Untitled

I have been living at my current address for 1.25 years at this point. This is the longest I have gone without moving since I escaped my mother's basement when I was 19. I've been to 18 countries and 14 states, met an innumerable quantity of unforgettable people, and collected at least three volumes worth of stories to recount at parties. I've fallen in and out of love, been burned and subsequently reborn, and discovered many potential pursuits for my future endeavors. I've grown and matured a lot as a robot person since the day of my birth how-many-ever moons ago and I'd like to think I've made a difference in the world.

Well, what are you going to do with yourself? that little voice asks. Are you finally ready to settle down, get married, and have lots of babies? Does this self-aggrandizing post about how great you are really have any other point then stroking your own ego?

FUCK NO!

Well, maybe that last one has a point...

Anyway, in about six weeks I will have sold and/or donated everything I own (sans a few essential goods) and set off towards the sunrise for my next adventure.

My infrequent, stalwart travel companion and I will be loading up our bikes and setting out to stealth camp and/or couchsurf our way through these United States (of which I've seen only a fraction). We'll be documenting as much as we can at our blog, which—at this point—is still a work in progress. Although I may update this site from time to time, most of the activity will be going on over there... so be sure to add it to your RSS readers or whatever it is you people use to read my oh so eloquent meanderings on life.

Until next time.

28 January, 2011

How Is Your Criminality in This City?; The Universe Loves Me

This is a story all about how my life continues to be awesome and why—as a rule—I am convinced of my own invincibility.

===

During the summer the key to my chain bike lock broke off inside the mechanism, rendering the lock unusable. However, it still ran through the frame of my bike so out of laziness I continued to use it (by wrapping it around the handlebars in order to appear locked) instead of going through the hassle of removing it and getting a new, less crappy security device. This method worked all well and good until one fateful day.

It was early in the morning. I was waking up for class and Adam was getting ready for work. He poked into my room and asked, "Did you park your bike somewhere else last night?"

Nonplussed, I shook my head.

He sort of sighed, and then said, "Well, it's not there."

Silently hoping he was playing a joke, I sauntered downstairs to the front steps to see for myself. Sure enough, the bike was gone.

Disheartened, but taking it as only I could, I shrugged and then continued on my morning routine. I walked to school that day and continued to do so as necessary.

At one point I got a free bike from Emily's brother and attempted to repair it, but after taking various bits apart and pricing out some components from the local bike shop, I sort of gave up. I rode it 'as is' for a day or two before both tires blew out on my way home, nearly sending me careening into traffic.

At this point, I imagine you're wondering, how does this story illustrate how Luke's life is so great? Well, we're almost there; bear with me.

About six weeks after the incident, I was jogging back home after deriving a bunch of sweet calculus equations on a beautiful summer day and I decided to vary my usual route and run up 15th near Loring Pasta Bar. Suddenly, I saw something familiar out of the corner of my eye. I slowed my gait and turned around, staring at the bike parked and locked in front of me.

Although it was black (not rainbow), the pedals were different (i.e. not broken), the chain looked new, and there was a plastic fender installed, I was sure it was mine. It had the same leopard-spotted seat. Same broken tightener thing by the rear wheel. Same tapeless, scratched up handlebars. In fact, it still had the new tires I had bought only days before it was stolen.

I went inside the Pasta Bar and asked the host if he knew whose bike was outside. He stared at me uncomprehendingly and said, "Bike...? What bike?" I said, "Yeah. The bike. Outside. Do you know who owns it?" He continued to gawk, so I led him outside and pointed at it, proclaiming, "That's my bike." He mumbled something about not knowing anything about it, and went back inside.

At a loss, I called the cops: they said they'd send a car over. I dared to walk across the street to Adam's place of employment (Potbelly's) and wave him outside. He chuckled at my exuberance and scoffed, "Of course."

The police officer arrived shortly thereafter and I explained the situation to him. He asked me if I had filed a police report (no), how I knew it was mine, etc. He pointed out that, essentially, he couldn't do much until the next day (when their mobile unit was available to cut the lock). I wasn't particularly keen about waiting around all day, but, I figured it was a small price to pay. He then suggested (and I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier) to buy a lock of my own and double lock the bike so that even if the thief unlocked their lock, mine would still be there.

Happy happy! I skipped down the sidewalk to the local bike shop to buy a lock. I rambled on about my adventure and they casually mentioned that they had a lock cutter I might be able to use. Joy joy! Less than ten minutes later, I was biking my old new bike home free!

To top the whole thing off, whoever stole it put some work into it; tuning up the brake (yes, just one), swapping out some rusted components, and basically making it ride the best it has ever ridden. Excellent, am I right?

note: due to the fact that there was another flat black painted bike locked in the same place the next day and that the whole interaction with the host of the Pasta Bar was profoundly awkward, I believe he may have been the thief.

===

So that's my story folks. I told you it'd all end up for the best!

08 October, 2010

18 May, 2005

Back in the day, years before it would implode under the weight of its meth-head owner's extensive abuse of the company bank accounts, Shinders was in the habit of sponsoring and hosting events that at least marginally involved a certain segment of the population who tended to patronize one of its thirteen locations in search of precious goods.

No, not dirty old men looking for porn!

Geeks, of course! Looking for comic books. Or role-playing games. Or card games. Etc.

One of these events involved the midnight release of a movie that would finally, after just shy of thirty years, bring to a close the story of one Anakin Skywalker; illucidating his transformation from a terrible child-actor/mechanical genius to a black-clad, heavy-breathing right hand of the emperor (and eventual savior of the Republic).

This movie was called Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

As one of the members of the mostly unofficial 'event-team', I was offered the opportunity to don the guise of Anakin's alter ego: Darth Vader. Given my well-established propensity to wear garish outfits in a ploy for attention, the fact that I accepted this chance should not be surprising. A costume rental of this magnitude set Shinders back no less than $120 for one 24-hour period, and I was positively thrilled to serve as the face of the Dark Side for this particular venture (Jake, another member of the oh-so-exclusive 'event team' was chosen to be Chewbacca, the [debatable] emissary of the Light Side).

On the eve of the night in question, I painstakingly fastened and configured the many layers and pieces to my costume, giddy to be getting paid to do something I would have gladly done for free!

Over the course of the evening I helped judge the costume contest, played DDR against my hairy companion to the cheers and laughter of the many people attending the festivities, and basically relished in my role as silent (the voice modulator part of the outfit was cumbersome and prone to malfunction, so I discarded it early on) photo companion.

On one such occasion, a gaggle of virile young ladies approached me and demanded I pose with them. All too eager to comply, I did my duty and suffered their many hands wrapped around my cape and belt. For the sake of the photo.

After an acceptable portrait configuration had been captured, their excited chatter turned to another topic: just who was that mysterious stranger under the mask?

I blushed (though they didn't see this) and insisted that my visage must remain hidden to preserve the overall mood, the reality of the fantasy.

They giggled. And then put their feminine wiles into overdrive, urging me to allow them just a peek under the hood.

I was helpless to resist.

With great trepidation, I slowly removed the hard plastic helmet and face mask. My hair was matted down with sweat. My admittedly oily face lit up with a smile.

They frowned.

"Oh," one of them huffed.

Without another word they turned toward each other in a huddle, cutting me off from the circle of conversation and making it crystal clear that I was no longer welcome among them.

I hung my head, and then walked away solemnly.

I made sure to keep my mask on the rest of the night, disregarding the countless requests for its removal.

Later, I fell asleep in the movie.

10 August, 2009

Texas? Texas! Texas.

timemileupdate
7:30?22.3Gas up in the exotic, foreign land called "Lakeville". I move on before I can be savaged by the natives.
7:41?33.0Exit 69: haha!
07:5745.0Heavy downpour. Losing reception of The Current.
08:0050.5Dark sky ahead. Lots of rain. I have no windshield wipers. Road construction.
08:0757.1The Current ends. Semis and dump trucks trying to kill me.
08:2270.1Exit 32: Hope.
08:4499.2No more rain! 8 miles to Iowa. Car in limp mode.
08:52108.7Iowa!
09:53169.0Be Aware (Careful?) of Crosswinds. Energy drink fading.
10:12205.2Lubbock is West Texas? Getting directions via text. Need a nap [map?].
10:19213.5Steering column starts smoking. Cruise control? Stops, eventually.
10:23218.4I don't like the noises that the highway makes.
13:19322.4Back on the road after short nap at rest stop.
13:24328.0Missouri! Also, $10,000 fine if I hit a worker.
15:43469.4Kansas turnpike.
16:10???After a little scare, decide I'm on the right track. No turnpike ticket?
18:03???Still on 35. Paved with new asphalt.
19:51749.5Gas, no nap. Push on!
20:33799.0Took the wrong exit, but it turned out to be the right one.
21:01830.7Still more road construction.
22:52954.8Screamed for eight minutes. It went well.
23:511006.9Bathroom break at nicest rest stop evAR! Car sounds terrible.
?0:0?1??8.0Voices...?!
0?:???1?e.eRoad turns into a river.
??:0*1?q9.@Shadowy blob sitting on overpasses keeps trying to kill me.
?1:*?11?!.9Someone is in the back seat.
*2:?!1207.6Exit 3 is closed!
?2:0r1208.3Find my way to the address. Sit outside for a bit wondering if it's the right house.
0?:2!1208.3Lizzy doesn't answer my text.
02:3*1208.3She does answer her phone though! I'm here! Alive! Thank Jebus!

31 May, 2008

Semiconductor Wafer Microchip EEstor HDTV Genetics

Update: I went to the Hennepin County Government Center and got one ticket voided, another dropped down to $40, and two parking tickets—which I didn't even know I had, and I wasn't asking about—discounted as well. I shall never pay full price for a ticket again.

Reasoning behind tickets: I asked, and supposedly any car parked on a public street must be registered, and, thusly, is ticketable if the tabs are expired. Pretty lame, if you ask me, which you did, because you're reading my blog.

Summer of Awesome: is in full swing... jealous?

Oh god! they just keep multiplying: I have three cats now. When will it stop?

More bloggings: I started another blog, different in goals than this one. Check it out. Points for knowing what the URL means or answering a post.

That: is all.

18 April, 2008

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL IT?

Quite amazingly I received my AUC acceptance packet in the mail today. I sincerely hope that my financial aid comes through in the same way it did this last semester because there is no way I will be able to afford the $20,000 tuition for the year. On an unrelated note, anybody have any inside info on the lottery numbers?

Unfortunately, the '2' key on my keyboard seems to be malfunctioning. This didn't bother me at first, until I realized that it was also the '@' key. I think that is rather odd considering I probably type the number more than the symbol... but I guess something about not being able to input my e-mail for logging-in purposes without slamming my pointer finger down and potentially injuring myself just really seems to bug me.

I have two cats now and though I am not entirely sure how I ended up with Helena as a permanent resident (she came over for a play date with Koopa and then just sort of got left behind), if I ever hear from her owner again I might have to demand some sort of ransom, because even though they attack each other every few minutes or so, I am sure Koopa likes having someone else to beat him up besides me.

Crazily enough, the city of Minneapolis doesn't allow an unused car to be serenely parked on the street anymore. I noticed that this morning that I had two expired tabs tickets under my wiper; both of them for the unrealistic sum of $105. Why it is illegal to have expired tabs on a parked car, I will never know (actually, I plan on contesting the tickets so maybe the judge will tell me).

Killing hookers and shooting rocket launchers at cops will soon be on the agenda. Grand Theft Auto IV comes out in ten short days, and I truly hope I have all my homework done by that time because I can't imagine I'll be interested in going to class for a few days. The good news is that there are only about two weeks left of class, so I won't be missing much.

Love always,

Your pal Luke

14 March, 2008

He Is Risen

So, I return from the depths of the abyss with three new items:

  • I re-learned how to ride my bike no-handed today
  • I have officially submitted my application for AUC (after only two months of putting it off!)
  • I went to a free preview of Doomsday, and all I have to say is: wow, just wow

Until next time.

23 October, 2007

Say "Hello" to My Little Friend

The picture above is the newest member of our growing household. Can you believe I got it for free?

Seriously! That chair would have cost probably something like $100 in the store, and it was just sitting there next to the dumpster waiting to be taken. Sure, it may only have one out of five wheels, and it may wobble a bit more than is safe for frequent use, but it is one comfy chair!

Oh, yes. I also got a cat. His name is Koopa (like the turtles from Mario) and he is adorable—annoyingly so.

03 September, 2007

Four Funny Work Conversations

Me: (pointing to a necklace with a couple gold rings on it) So, are those, like, from the Lord of the Rings or something?
My Co-worker: Actually, my parents died when I was a baby, and these are their wedding rings.
Me: ...

...and...

Me: Did you know that 25% of the particulates in Los Angeles are from China?
Different Co-worker: Oh? Damn immigrants.
Me: ...

...and another...

Guy on Street: Hey, who are you supposed to be?
Me: I am Captain Organic, I deliver pizza for Galactic Pizza.
Guy on Street: I could go for a slice.
Me: Oh, sorry! I do not have any pizza on me.
Guy on Street: I was talking about you.
Me: ...

...they just keep coming...

Me: Here is your pizza.
Deliveree: Thanks... so I guess it is pretty cold out today?
Me: Yeah! It sure is. [I get in the gizmo and start going back to home base]
Me: (realizing that you can see my nipples through the spandex) ...

04 July, 2007

Celebrate the Independence of Your Nation By Blowing Up a Small Part of It

note: the videos on the page have disappeared from the Internet; who would have thought we'd ever stop using MySpace?!